I’ve been talking about this now for 4 days, and it still is slightly surreal. Here’s how the conversation goes:
me: “Hey, I’ve lost 71 lbs.”
my friend: (long whistle) “Whoa. How much?”
me: “71 pounds.”
my friend: “Wow. That’s amazing.”
Now, what isn’t said, and certainly what I would be thinking if I were one of the people I told is: Holy SHIT. 71 lbs? That’s the size of my 3rd grader/overstuffed suitcase/chocolate lab – you get the point. In fact, let me show you what 68 lbs looks like:
So, I have based whittled a Birdie (+3 lbs) off my frame. And it has been “whittling.” I have to say, while it is a great feeling, and something to definitely be proud of for numerous reasons I’ll get to later, it is shocking. I still have trouble digesting (yes, pun intended!) that I was so overweight – and, I’m not even done with the weight loss yet. Soon, I am going to muster the courage to post before/after pics, and perhaps that will help me comprehend it better.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m thrilled this is where I am. It’s just shocking to consider where I came from. I was chatting online with a friend yesterday who also struggles with weight/food, etc, and I described how it felt living with all that extra weight – not the physical aspects per se – I’ll go into that another time – but the mental. I felt like I was underwater. Suffocated, trapped, muted, and more insulated from shock.
“Being underwater for 10 years” could be the title of my autobiography were I to only focus on that painful decade. But events and time led up to that, and should be accounted for, and coming out of it must also be chronicled as it is imperative to convey the message that I am coming out of it. I don’t have to live in that suspended, overly protected state any more. It served a purpose – I will someday put all of those pieces together – but it has definitely run its course. It’s time to emerge from the universe of suspended affect.
More later – going to venture out and create a few more sections here – “Notes from the Gym” and “True Grit.” Not sure adding new sections will incentivize me to become more regular about contributing here, but I’m not going to overthink it.
Cheers!