Next week, I embark on an overseas trip to do a week-long photo class in Paris. OOOOOHHHH LA LA, how exciting you say!  And I agree. I booked it last year as a reward for my future weight loss — XX  pounds in May 2013 (at this point May 2014, -76lbs!) by the time it came around.  Yes!

Bold move planning so far out for something you may not actually accomplish?  Sure.  But I had never felt so certain about being able to do something. I knew I was going to lose this weight. I would, in May 2014, be significantly smaller than I was in May 2013.  And that today is fact. There’s a whole ‘nother post about ‘the power of intention’ here, but let’s save that for another day.

Trying to balance “keeping it in the day” and “planning for your future” isn’t always the easiest thing to do.  The promise of a great adventure, a cushy retirement, wearing normal sizes again – these things keep us motivated, and require “a plan.” But, the promise of the peace that comes from living in the moment, keeping it in the day – this is something hundreds of millions practice daily.  Think of when David Letterman asked Warren Zevon if there was anything he understood now, facing his own mortality, that he didn’t before – Zevon replied, “Just how much you’re supposed to enjoy every sandwich.” BOOM. There it is.

Planning for the longer term while keeping it in the day – I must allow them to coexist. They are not mutually exclusive. Anyhoo, I digress a bit.

This post is about “rewards.” I remember thinking I needed something to look forward to – a “prize” per se.  And not one that involved me sitting on the couch, eating ice cream and candy on a “cheat” day.  But one that was quasi-monumental, because I knew that the path I was on and the changes I would make were monumental. I needed a prize. A blue or red or yellow ribbon.  When you do good things, you should reward yourself. Right? Right.

Much of the time, we value rewards and prizes in monetary terms.  Case and point:  my trip to Paris was not free.  I had to decide to that spending several thousand dollars on a 7-day jaunt was worth it, that the result of my efforts in the weight loss, healthy-living journey ‘merited’ the spend.  Well, I think they do. But, this reward per se – anyone with the money to spend could do this.  I could have done this when I was 76 lbs heavier as long as I had the money.  So, what are the non-monetary rewards of this path so far?  There are so many.  So. many.  I could spend days writing about them.

So, as I sit here at 6:30am on a beautiful spring morning (forsythia!  lilacs! baby leaves on trees! chirping sassy spring birds!) with a toasty cat on my stomach as I write, I reflect on just a few of the rewards this path has brought.

• Fitting into airplane seats again.   The ability to sit in one, and not feel like I’m overflowing into my neighbor’s spot.  Not being as clenched up as possible to try to (unsuccessfully I might add) ‘shrink’ myself. I am not dreading that part of the trip next week! Miraculous.

• Feeling less self-concious in public. I go out way more than I used to.  I have new friends that because I’ve gone out more, and participated in life.  I’ve opened up more.

• Smaller body, bigger world: New friends, new opportunities, new places.  The energy that comes from the weight loss and healthy living is more than I would have thought possible.  I get up at 5:30am, go to bed around 10:30pm – and the hours in between are filled with rich and gratifying experiences, great interactions, and lots of laughs.

• Increased self-confidence:  And this isn’t just of the ‘vanity’ kind.  This is of the “Holy-Shit-has-it been-16-months-of-sweat-diligence-&-solidiering-on-no-matter-what” kind.  Like – if I can do this, what else am I capable of?  Could I really have a goal that I have no idea how to tactically achieve, and just start with the first few steps, and then all of a sudden, 16 months later, I’ve come further than I ever thought I could?  Can this same method of just starting something with the bigger goal at hand and no idea (ok, some idea) of the tactics to acheive it work in other areas of my life?  Yes, my friends, I think it can.  Like the little engine that could.  “I think I can, I think I can, I KNOW I can, I know I can!”

• Peace of mind:  This is absolutely one of the greatest benefits of my weight-loss journey.  I don’t spend all of my waking hours thinking how heavy I am, how much I suck because I am so heavy, how I should be at the gym, how I shouldn’t eat breakfast because I ate too much the night before, how my health is compromised, I’m probably diabetic, etc.  Today, while I definitely stress and worry about other things, weight/health are not on that list anymore.  I’m free from those tapes.  Free to dream of the possibilities for the future, free to feel the stress of a hard deadline, free to not think about how uncomfortable the flight to Paris will be because I’m overflowing into my neighbor’s seat.  FREE AT LAST.

Thank you, Universe.  I am so grateful. I cannot wait to enjoy every Croque-Monsieur.